Motherhood: Transparency

As you can see from Carter's monthly postings, we are pretty busy people around here! We are always, always on the go - always! For this reason, I treasure my mornings/early afternoons at home with my sweet baby! Life slows down during that time - if I let it. You see, I am a Martha. I've always been a Martha - task oriented - that's me. The youth pastor at my church preached a sermon the other day, and he talked about Satan's tactics. He said that if Satan can't make you bad, he'll make you busy. That really hit home with me. Since I've taken on the job of "Stay at Home Mom," I've really taken to heart my many jobs inside the home. I'm making an effort to not only take care of Carter and all his needs, but I'm also putting my efforts towards having a clean and organized home where we can rest as a family (when we get home from all our crazy adventures :-) I'm also trying to be better about planning and preparing meals - not one of my strong points.... All that to say, I'm focusing on all the tasks that I must do, and God is telling me,

"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him." Psalm 37:7

So now, I'm adding that to my list. You may think that's silly to "schedule" a time with the Lord, but it is absolutely necessary for me to do that. If I don't schedule in the time - I'm not ever still. Granted, I have just started doing this in the past week or so, but the Lord has really begun to put the desire in my heart to - SLOW DOWN!!! It's not something I usually do or enjoy, but I'm starting to - baby steps...

Another battle I've been fighting recently is a feeling of being in the trenches of motherhood. I firmly believe that this is a direct result of what I just wrote about. Satan is attacking me with these feelings because I'm starting to do what God wants me to do, which is spend time with Him. This is the passage I keep telling myself when I start to sink down into the trenches:

"The joy of the Lord is my strength." Nehemiah 8:10

At 3 months into this thing known as parenting, the novelty has slightly worn off. Sometimes it's hard to feel joyful when you're covered in human excrement (which is really just a nice word for poop/pee) and spit-up (which is really just a nice word for barf), or when you feel like a feeding machine/milk cow, or when you feel lonely because you spend 8-10 hours a day without another adult in sight, or when your baby is crying and you don't know why.

It is at these times, when Satan attacks me most! You know, the whole "Kick her while she's down" tactic. Therefore, I've been very purposeful in my thoughts lately. During these times, I dwell on the passage above, and I must say that it helps! I've also noticed that it IS, in fact, possible to be joyful during these times. But only by the Lord's strength am I able to focus on the smile Carter flashes me AFTER he's pooped/peed/or barfed on me, or the fact that I am actually able to offer my baby healthy milk because God has blessed me with the ability to afford food for myself, or the fact that I am blessed to be able to stay at home with my precious baby all day long, or that I can rock and soothe my crying baby. I've found that some of my most joyful moments as a mommy have been in the trenches - the moments I purposefully choose to focus on God's blessings rather than my frustrations.

Plus, after a long, hard day "on the job," I still love being a mommy more than anything in the whole world, and I wouldn't trade if for a thing!!!